somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
