Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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