it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wear drunk well.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
