We're like a lot better than the average bears
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
