it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I cannot find my penis.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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