I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
