she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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