Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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