Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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