When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
