I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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