I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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