Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
