he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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