he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
