Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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