I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
