Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
