At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
