Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
