i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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