he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
