no, he came in my armpit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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