She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
