i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
