hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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