i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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