where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
