mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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