it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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