If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
