i think i have two assholes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
