im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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