did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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