Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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