Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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