Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have fence marks all over my body
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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