1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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