Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
