if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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