I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize