I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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