i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
