woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
