elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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