Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize