my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The Olympian is in my bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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