Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
