Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
