It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
