people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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