I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
