I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize