i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
