In the future we'll all be gay
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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