You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
