i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
