She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
