She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
