whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
