Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm too high and old for this...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
