Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
