oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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