nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
