everyone is single if you try hard enough
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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