I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
