If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
