My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I currently don't understand fingers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
