:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
