You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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