Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
