I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
