If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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