i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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