Hippo gnu deer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
