Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so let's talk penis.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
